In The Dark
by ladypink428
Summary: It's been a year since Tom crushed Sam's world by leaving her, and Holby out of the blue. Since then she's found love with Jason, her friends love him, her family love him and her colleagues love him but when a familiar face shows up will Sam be able to stop old feelings resurfacing, can Sam keep a lid on the past? And just how can she keep her friends in the dark? Please R & R
1. Chapter 1

As she awakened she stretched her aching limbs, here body painfully aware of the fact she had run over 10 miles last night. She hated that she had, not only because of the aches and pains but Sam knew if she was finding herself in a position where she needed to run, to get out, to feel ok then it was happening again.

She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of the sleeping man besides her, she knew that she loved him, of course she did, but she didn't know if it was love like it should undoubtedly be. She knew because she had felt love, painstakingly acute love, love that held no boundaries, and she'd felt it with Tom.

Tom.

Just his name was enough to bubble to the surface a whole case of emotions she'd fought to keep a hold on. Tom brought back a side of her she'd thought she'd forgotten and if she was perfectly honest she was content with forgetting.

Now she was with Jason, Jason who bought her flowers, Jason who listened to her and held her when she needed holding, Jason who was gentle and kind, who had a good solid job and who was indeed very handsome.

Jason who wasn't Tom.

Even today, over year after Tom Kent had entered and exited her life without a care for her feelings she still cared. Her friends would fawn over the latest bouquet Jason had sent her and would profess their jealousy openly knowing Sam wouldn't feel threatened, it was plain for all to see Jason had eyes only for the feisty doctor, and they would nudge Sam and whisper things like marriage and kids which caused only pain for Sam because she'd only ever contemplated settling down with Tom. Jason had made Sam laugh in her darkest days after Tom left and slowly she had begun to fall for his friendship, his solidity, his heart. However Sam knew, deep down, even as she lay by his side, she'd always be comparing him to Tom.

Hastily she pushed the thoughts from her mind and guiltily placed a soft kiss on her sleeping boyfriend's lips which were enough to rouse him from his peaceful state.

"Good morning sweetie".

She smiled at the sleep in his voice and made her way downstairs for some breakfast.

"Goodbye Sam"

"Goodbye Jase" She leant up to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Have a nice day at work". She watched him leave, an unwavering smile plastered on his face and it was only when she had closed the solid oak of Jason's front door that she let out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.

She quickly tidied the breakfast things away and grabbed her phone to check the time.

09:22, she had a shift at 10 and had been late twice already this week, Zoe certainly wouldn't be best pleased if that number were to rise so she decided she better get ready. It was as she began to climb the stairs she heard the door knock.

Puzzled she made her way back down. Could it be Jason? There was a chance he'd be returning after forgetting something, perhaps his key which would of course explain his inability to open the door himself. Yeah, it must be Jase.

She twisted her features into something of a smile and then walked over to the door, pulling it open theatrically.

"Miss me already?" She began but her voice caught on the last syllable, her mouth seemingly unable to process the simple command of making words.

If she was being honest the felt unable to do anything in that exact moment out time apart from stare out of the door, mouth still open with her greeting to Jason hanging off her lips.

Her breathing quickened, short shallow gasps escaped her lips and she readily sucked in oxygen desperately trying to compose herself.

She closed her eyes sharply and opened them once more, no use.

A thousand and one questions burned inside of her throat, threatening to boil out of her mouth but she choked them back, swallowed slowly and barely even whispered the word,

"Tom."


	2. Chapter 2

Tom.

Thomas Kent.

Tom was here.

She took a deep shaky breath in a desperate attempt to silence her racing heart and clasped her hands together in an attempt to hide the shake which was portraying her feelings behind the stone mask she had rearranged her features into. He couldn't see her looking like she cared, she wouldn't let him.

She waited.

He waited.

He looked her at face, he looked at her hair, her body, her eyes, her nose, her mouth.

Her mouth one which had been his to kiss once, was now set into the same grimace he had seen many times before the same grimace that adorned the stone wall of her face, a wall which he had once been able to break down, one which had now evidently been built back up again.

When it was clear she wasn't going to say anything to him he took a big breath and began.

"Sam" he started "Sam I-"

"You what Tom?"

"I miss you"

"Oh do you?" Her voice dripped with cynicism and sarcasm and he realised this was not going to be easy but then again it was Sam, Sam was never easy.

"Yeah I miss you Sam, I miss you like hell and I think you miss me too"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard"

"Yeah I fucking heard, what do you think you're doing Tom? What do you think you're doing showing up here announcing you miss and then having the fucking cheek to say you think I miss you too."

"I didn't say I think you miss me, Sam I know you miss me?"

"How?" The ridicule dripped off her tongue and Tom began to doubt if he'd done the right thing coming back, it was clear she hadn't got over what he'd done and if he was honest he doubted if she ever would. He looked at her face the gentle curve of her nose, her sharp cheekbones, her mouth set into a pained expression and her eyes, hard and cold and he felt his stomach drop as the full realisation of what he done to her hit him hard.

"I know Sam because otherwise why would you be kissing me?"

Sam didn't say anything because she knew as soon as she opened her mouth and spoke the tremble in her voice would give her away. What did he mean, she wasn't kissing him? She wouldn't kiss him, because that would mean admitting her feelings. That would mean defeat wouldn't it?

Then her thoughts went black because suddenly she was –

For that second it didn't matter that Tom had left, it didn't even matter that he'd broken her heart and for a second Jason didn't matter at all. All that mattered was the feel of Tom's lips pressing into hers and the gentle caress of his hand in her hair-

And then realisation hit, and suddenly everything mattered and she pulled away.

She felt giddy, she felt sick, she felt lightheaded, she was flying and then she was falling.

Sam ran from the doorway and up the stairs.

Tom didn't waste a second before following her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Sam –" he began, wringing his hands

"Tom just leave me alone please, I – I can't do this right now"

"Can't do what Sam? Can't do what exactly?" This time it was his turn to be angry and she could hear the raw emotion in his voice, the way it pitched up slightly at the end, the strained words spat out of his mouth and if she was honest this made her more annoyed. He left her didn't he? He left her with nothing, with no-one didn't he? So why was he the angry one and she the one made to seem in the wrong? She was the one who'd waited for a year wasn't she? Not him. Sam snapped.

"You know what Tom, I can't do this. And before you ask me what exactly this is, this is you. I loved you Tom, I loved you like I'd never loved anyone, more than Dylan, more than Ian. And. You. Left. Me". She spat out the last words, evidently struggling to keep her emotions in check. Composing herself, she continued.

"You left me Tom," Her voice was softer now, almost apologetic.

"You left me with nothing, without you Tom – I was nothing. And do you know what I'm sorry that I can't just fall into your arms and sail off into the sun with you whenever it pleases you to return. I'm sorry that I moved on, that I found something, someone -"

He interrupted, "You've found someone?"

"Yes Tom, his name is Jason and he's lovely and this is his house and this is our bedroom and wait, how did you even find me here?"

"Zoe told me your address"

"Zoe?"

He nodded.

"When did you speak to Zoe?"

"When she gave me my old job back."

"What?" In a flash Sam's temper had returned. "I can't work with you Tom, I just can't, you can't take your old job back, and we can't –"

"We can't what Sam?"

"We can't ever be the same Tom, because of you, you ruined that." Sam turned away heading for the stairs completely forgetting in that moment it was Jason's house not Tom's.

"Sam wait"

She stopped but made no attempt to turn around.

"Sam look at me"

She turned.

"Now look at me, look at me properly and tell me the truth Sam. Because if you love him, if you truly, truly love him and you're happy then Sam, I'll leave. I'll ring Zoe and turn down the job and honestly Sam I'll never bother you again. If you truly love him Sam and don't love me then you can be with him forever and I'll go."

Sam said nothing.

Sam said nothing because she knew she loved Tom. She knew she'd never stopped loving Tom, even after all he'd done, and all they'd been through. Because he was Tom, hot-headed, silly, goofy, charming Tom. Tom who'd whisked her off her feet, hoisted her in the air then let her fall to ground and hit it hard. Tom who honestly right now looked as if he'd hit the ground harder.

And she said nothing.

And he said nothing.

And there was only the sound of their breathing, hot and heavy.

And then that sound stopped as Sam leaned up and pressed her lips to his, a thousand words, a thousand answers conveyed in a touch.

And when Tom clasped her waist and pulled her closer she made no move to stop him and when Tom lifted her up she wrapped her legs around his waist and when Tom placed her down on the bed and pulled off her shirt, she helped him.


	4. Chapter 4

As she lay head on his chest, tracing gentle circles on his arm with her little finger whilst he planted small, soft kisses on her hair she was complete, it was as if the past year hadn't happened and part of her was annoyed she'd let him break her barriers down so quickly. But he'd always been able to get to her in a way no-one else had, she was Sam Nicholls, tough girl, tomboy, ex-army and she'd fallen hopelessly in love with someone who'd ended up leaving her for dirt.

Sighing she sat up.

"Tom I need to know."

"Need to know what?"

"Everything Tom, everything."

He sighed and sat up also. She hadn't been clear but he knew exactly what she meant, he always knew what she meant.

He lifted his eyes slowly until they met hers and began.

"Sam one year ago I was hopelessly and utterly in love with you, I still am, I always was. And I need you to know that Sam, I need you to know that my love for you never faltered as you probably thought it did. Sam I was scared, I'd never felt love like that and it scared me, ok. I wanted to be with you every single moment of my day and that scared me, I never felt truly dependant on anyone until I met you Sam, I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to function if you ever left me, if you ever broke my heart – "

"So you just thought you'd break mine instead?" Sam voice cut through his, sharp and cold.

"Yes." He replied. Simply and honestly. Sam was too shocked at his honesty, the brutality of it to reply. Sensing the opportunity, he continued.

"I broke your heart Sam because I was too scared of getting mine broken. You left Dylan and you left Ian and I was scared when you got bored you leave me." Tom hung his head in his hands. "It sounds awful Sam I know and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, in those first few months after I left I regretted it every second of the day I came so close to coming back Sam, I really did. I even made it to Holby but I couldn't do it, I, I couldn't do that to you. It would have ruined you. So I returned, to London, to my flat and my job and carried on but Sam let me promise you I haven't been happy for a year. You have to know it's been hard for me too, I left the love of my life because I was stupid and childish and it's been the biggest mistake of my life and – "

"What brought you back Tom?"

"What?" He sounded shocked and she guessed he hadn't expected her to ask that, guessed he only expected her to care about the reason he left.

"You heard Tom, you said that you came close but something stopped you so why one year later did you decide to return? What brought you back?"

"Sam, my dad died."

She said nothing but moved closer and placed her hand upon his and in that moment Tom knew it was going to be okay.

"My dad died and I realised, in my grief that the only person I wanted to comfort me was you. I only wanted you. So I waited to sort the funeral arrangements and until I knew that my mum was going to be okay then I quit my job, rang Zoe and drove up here Sam. I lost you once and it was the worst mistake of my life but I just needed something like this, a tragedy Sam to realise that life is short and it ends and I'm wasting mine without the woman who I love."

He only realised he was crying when she lifted a finger to wipe the tear from his cheek.

"Tom I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what Sam? It's my fault this happened."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when it happened. I loved your dad Tom, he was always kind and never judged even when that was the easiest option."

She realised that she was never going to love anyone liked she loved Tom Kent and she couldn't let him go again, he'd left and he had hurt her, bad, but he was here and he was sorry and she'd been waiting for this day for a year she just hadn't realised it until today.

She smiled at him through tears and she could see the sight of her crying hurt him.

"Sam" he began putting a hand to her cheek.

"Happy tears Tom, happy tears, I love you."

"I've forgotten how beautiful that sounded, I love you Samantha Nicholls. I always have."

With that she reached up to kiss him once more and felt her stomach spin cartwheels at the all too familiar taste of his lips. Something she'd never been able to properly feel with Jason.

Shit, Jason.

It sounded clichéd but she'd completely forgotten about him in her time with Tom and the warm feeling in her stomach was replaced by a sickening dread. How could she tell Jason that Tom had returned? And that she loved him? Jason who had listened when Tom had left and comforted her when she was at rock bottom. Jason who she had kissed, be it half-heartedly, this morning before her world had been turned upside down by a knock on the door. How could she even put that into words?

"Tom I don't know what to do?"

"What do you mean Sam?"

"You, Jason, everything. I don't know what to do Tom I can't just, I can't – "

"Sam I'm not asking you to do anything. You know how it feels to be left, I know how it feels to leave someone. Take your time, talk to him. And when you're ready, I'll be waiting Sam."

He paused. "That is, if you want to be with me, if you want to forgive me, because if you don't I understand, I –

"I forgave you a year ago Tom. I was always waiting for you, I just didn't realise it. I'll talk to Jason, I'll explain and thank you for not rushing me Tom. Jason is a good man."

"I know Sam, I know."

His voice was soft and his touch soothing. He gently pulled her into an embrace, her hand firmly implanted on his shoulder, the feel of her soft breaths on his back. Pulling his arms tighter round her waist he felt her wrap her arms around his neck and he closed his eyes.

They stayed like that for what seemed like forever until Sam gently pulled away, planted a soft kiss on Tom's lips and laid down.

"Thank you Tom."

"For what?"

"For coming back to me."

He needed not to answer instead he leaned forward and planted the slightest of touches on her forehead, slowly got up and walked to the door. Looking at her slight frame wrapped in the duvet her couldn't help but smile and when he received a Sam-sized frown his smile grew, he hadn't realised he could miss someone's frowns but apparently it was possible.

"I'll see you tomorrow Sam, that's when I start my job. I love you."

She smiled and that was enough for him. He knew it wouldn't be easy for her, he hadn't made it easy. With that he closed her door and walked down that stairs and out the house. But he still couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

Sam lay back in the covers for a second, wondering if everything was real, if that was real. She knew it was real though, she knew Tom was real and she knew what she felt for him was real.

Shaking herself out of her dream world she felt the cold hard reality of the fact she was now going to be at least 15 minutes late for her shift and Zoe was going to kill her.

Groaning she jumped off the bed and grabbed her clothes from the floor.

But she still couldn't wipe the smile off her face.


	5. Chapter 5

As she opened her locker to grab her back she couldn't help being reminded of the time where Tom had professed his love for her, his utmost willingness for strings to be very much 'attached' and not for the first time today she wondered where they'd be if he'd never left. If she was being honest it was all she'd been able to think about all day and for that her work had been considerably less than perfect. To her utmost surprise though Zoe hadn't even chastised her and come to think of it hadn't even been cross when she'd arrived eventually 25 minutes late for her shift. There was definitely something going on there, Zoe wasn't the easiest of women to deal with – even on a good day and all things considered Sam should definitely be in trouble.

Brushing the thought aside she made her way to the ED entrance and after nodding a quick goodbye to Big Mac who smiled her way walked out into the sharp air. Shivering slightly she made her way to her car although she doubted it was anything to do with the cold, she had no idea how to talk to Jason. With Dylan she had been able to run away to the army and with Ian she had been able to run away home, this time she had nowhere to run and as cowardly as it sounded she wished she did and she hated herself for that.

Grimacing she exited her car and walked towards Jason's flat, she thanked her stars her own house hadn't yet sold although she doubted she'd ever would have been fully able to go through with selling it. Selling it would have meant finality with Jason and she had known from the start that was never something she had wanted.

She decided she would talk to Jason tonight, when he got home. It was better this way, regardless of the fact she didn't love Jason she knew she owed it to him to be straight and not see Tom behind his back, at least this way it would hurt less for him. She planned to have a long bath and think things through before he got home and so it the gasp that slipped through her lips was more of annoyance than surprise as saw him sat at the table, smiling at her.

"Jason, I hadn't expected you until later?"

"Well I wanted to see you, it's a special occasion isn't it?" He smiled at her and drew her in for a hug.

Tensing involuntarily she attempted a weak smile and fortunately Jason didn't seem to notice her hesitancy.

"Special occasion?" She smiled through her confusion hoping she hadn't missed something serious like his birthday but steadied her nerves with the certainty his birthday had definitely been sometime in June.

"You forgot?" He sounded surprised but his smile didn't waver for a second.

"Erm, maybe"

"It's our six month anniversary Sammy." She smiled again but again was cringed again at the pet name because although she didn't mind it particularly, it was a Tom thing, it had always been a Tom thing.

"Oh".

"Oh come on Sam, you can sound a little more enthusiastic." He started to sound worried now and Sam felt a twinge of guilt.

"I'm sorry Jase, just tired."

"Oh it's no problem Sam, honestly – I may have something that will cheer you up."

"Oh really?" She attempted to sound excited but her heart wasn't in it. Again this went totally amiss by Jason who was evidently wrapped up by something else.

"Sam I know you've had a hard time and I know that we haven't been together long. I really, really love you Sam and I think slowly you've fallen for me too. I really like you Sam and I want to make you happy. Samantha Nicholls, will you make me the happiest man ever. Sam will you marry me?"

Her stomach lurched and she knew in an instant she couldn't say yes. She couldn't agree to marry someone she couldn't love, could she? She realised he was waiting for an answer and she could see in his face his certainty that they would get married and live together, in his smile and his ecstatic eyes and she knew that she had to set him straight she had to tell him now she couldn't so she even surprised herself when she realised she was nodding yes.

Jason grabbed her close in a familiar hug but she could find no comfort in his grasp.

"I'm so excited Sam, I thought you might not be ready, I thought I was losing you in the last month or so you've been so distant. You've made me so happy Sammy, thank you."

Sam could barely smile and nod her way out of the room needing to be away from his love and his mollycoddling.

Spinning a quick excuse about going to get some champagne for a celebration she calmly opened the door, shut it in the same demeanour and as soon as the door was safely closed behind her she ran.

She ran and she ran and she kept running and she barely even realised where she was running to until she found herself at her house. Breathing deeply she grabbed the spare key from under the doormat and only fully relaxed when she found herself inside, breathing in the familiar smell of her house and its relaxed atmosphere. She could barely organise her thoughts, she had been fully ready to say no, that would have been the right time and she'd let her cowardice get in the way, Sam Nicholls – coward. She was a lot but until now she'd always liked to say she was brave. Flinging herself down on the sofa she rubbed her face in the familiar roughness of her sofa pillows and let out a soft sob.

After nearly an hour of crying and stopping crying and making decisions and taking them back she had realised she had to set Jason straight and she needed to do it now, tonight.

Contradictory to her erratic sprinting before she walked back to Jason's slowly and calmly hands shaking slightly from where she had stuffed them into her pockets. When she arrived her calm state hadn't yet faltered but when she opened the door to see him sat there wringing his hands she broke.

"Sam I've been waiting all night. What happened? Are you okay? Did I scare you Sam? Are you okay? Sam? Sam?" Jason was making his way towards you and she felt herself shrinking for a moment one thousand excuses springing to mind but then she thought of Tom, pictured his face, felt his love and took a deep breath.

"Jason I can't marry you I'm sorry." She hated how cool, how calm she sounded, hated how cold it made her sound.

"I knew it was too early, Sam I'm sorry we'll wait?" He was nodding earnestly as if it would force her to agree, the same smile plastered on to his face.

"No Jason, I can't marry you and I can't be with you, I'm sorry."

For the first time Sam could remember, Jason's smile, his mask dropped and for a second the wild anger in his eyes made her want to run sensing danger but almost as if it never happened the cloudy mask returned.

"Why Sam? We're good aren't we?"

"Jason I'm so, so sorry you're great and you've been so kind but I'm sorry I'm not over Tom like I thought I was."

"Tom." The sneer was so un-Jason for a second it took her totally by surprise.

"Tom who left you? Left you for nothing? Tom who left you like dirt for me to pick up the pieces?"

"Jason he's changed!" The second the words left her lips she realised her mistake.

"You've been seeing him?" His anger was now gone, replaced by something cold, something worse.

"No Jason, you have to understand me, I haven't I, it was once, I'm sorry."

This time when the anger returned to his eyes he made no attempt to hide it. Wildly he stepped towards her and Sam was reminded of a similar time with Dylan, where he'd got over protective and angry. Why hadn't she seen this coming, who was this man stood in front of her? For the first time ever Sam wondered how much she knew about Jason Matthews - he was always protective but this was something new, this anger, why hadn't she seen it before? Thinking back they'd never rowed before, she'd never seen a reason to, never wanted anything different, and had always been okay with being content with Jason. One thing was clear though to her, whatever he may have done wrong, right now she only wanted Tom.

"Jason I'm sorry I love him please –"

It may have been her experience with Dylan, it may have been the fact she'd been trained in the army, it may have been something else but some reason Sam ducked and there a second of silence after Jason's punch swung through the empty air above her.

Sam stared at him for a second frozen then instinct kicked in and she ran, away from Jason, away from his screams of anguish she kept on running until she couldn't hear him begging for her return, until she couldn't hear his shouted apologies.

Pulling out her mobile phone she punched in the number with shaking hands and felt herself calm slightly when she heard the speaker's familiar voice speak her name.

"Sam are you okay?"

"Tom… help."


	6. Chapter 6

Sam Nicholls woke up in the arms of the man she loved. Her head lay on his chest and whilst one arm was flung over his midriff the other was hanging by her side, the fingers of this hand in particular were interlocked with Tom's and the firmness of his grasp and the warmth radiating off his body were a source of comfort she had missed more than she thought possible. Squeezing Tom's hand gently she smiled at his sleeping form before closing her eyes and gently drifting back off.

When Tom Kent woke up Sam was still sleeping. He smiled at how peaceful she looked sleeping, but the peace in her face only hurt him more because he knew what she was going to go through today, what she went through last night. When he had picked her up from the bus stop around the corner from Jason's she had been a mess, although it was more mental than physical. A passer-by wouldn't give her a second glance but the minute Tom saw he knew something had been seriously wrong, she looked empty. Her eyes, so full of passion normally, were blank and staring, and there was something about the way she had her arms wrapped around her so protectively that made Tom sick to the stomach because he knew something was seriously wrong. He hadn't said a word to her until he had her safe, sensing that she wouldn't be ready but when he had her inside with a blanket and cup of hot, sweet tea he carefully breached the subject. For a minute or so she was silent but just when Tom was going to prompt her she opened her mouth and told him everything.

It had taken all of Tom's self-control to contain his anger when he'd heard what Jason had done. It was only Sam sat in front of him grasping his hands and pleading him to stay that had stopped him from driving round and showing Jason just what it felt like to be scared of someone. She had protested that he hadn't actually made contact with her but both Sam and Tom knew that if she hadn't ducked, he would've and that made Tom feel sicker than anything. Sam Nicholls was not easily fazed, one of the things he loved about her, and so Tom knew from the raw fear in her eyes she had been genuinely scared of Jason.

Tom had promised himself there and then he would never hurt her again.

He gently roused Sam from her angelic sleep and for a second after her eyes opened he registered confusion in them before realisation set in and finally the corner of her eyes lifted in a sleepy smile as happiness radiated from her features.

"Tom."

"Sam." Came his warm reply.

"Tom what time is it?"

"Erm." He leant over her to grab his watch from the bedside table and the feel of his t-shirt on the cloth of her shirt reminded her of something.

"Eurgh Tom did I fall asleep fully clothed?"

"Well Sam I was going to suggest you changed but you were spark out as soon as I got you up here."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed in herself which made him chuckle.

"Anyway its 07:22 Sammy."

Her stomach lurched at the mention of her pet name and she couldn't tell whether it was because she loved hearing him say or because it reminded her of Jason, reminded her of last night. She guessed it was a combination. Brushing aside any thoughts of Jason she focused on the one thing that was making her feel better, Tom.

"I have a shift at 9."

"Well it's our lucky day Sam, I do to. I'll walk you in."

"Oh will you now? All the way to the ED so everyone there will see us, everyone there who at the moment are 100% sure I'm in a happy relationship with Jason?"

Her tone was light but he could hear the twinge of sadness in her voice carefully masked by her playful mocking.

He decided it wasn't time yet to approach the subject of Jason, sensed she was still hurting and so retaliated her mocking.

"Maybe I'll walk you to the ambulance bay then."

"Shut up and make me breakfast, I'm going for a shower."

"What do you want? I've got cereal, toast, bacon, fruit – "

She interrupted him.

"Surprise me."

Whilst he made her a bacon sandwich he remembered how happy it made him feel to be making her breakfast whilst she showered in his flat. It was so routine, so Sam and Tom, so 'before' that it actually hurt how much he had missed this and how much he had thrown away for a year.

When she had eaten and re-dressed in yesterday's clothes and he'd put some fresh clothes on they walked to the hospital together in silence but hands firmly locked. Even though they weren't speaking the silence wasn't uncomfortable and they walked together perfectly content.

A little before they reached the ED, Sam dropped his hand suddenly.

"Sam?" His tone was soft but the question was there.

"Tom I love you and I want to be with you but I can't just walk in there with you, they think I'm with Jason, they think I hate you, they think –"

He stopped her babbling with a soft, firm kiss on the lips and after hesitating a second she reciprocated leaning forward to deepen the kiss.

He pulled away and smiled at her.

"I understand Sam."

"Then now is my time to leave you Thomas. I expect Zoe will call me in to give me a little 'talk' about you coming back. She's been really off lately, and by Zoe off I mean, well, nice. I didn't think much of it at the time but I think she's been sweetening me up to tell me 'the big news'. After all, I was pretty messed up after you here flitted off without a care in the world. Really, I should hate you."

"But you love me." He said it in a sickly sweet, mocking tone and so Sam delivered the all-too-expected punch to the chest. He smiled involuntarily because it was just so Sam of her to do so.

"See you in about 15 minutes Sam."

"Til then Tom." He kissed her quickly and when she walked off she was laughing.

Neither Tom nor Sam realised they were being watched.


	7. Chapter 7

Zoe Hannah was worried.

Very worried.

Sam Nicholls had never been an easy person to deal with, very volatile, very feisty and very likely to flare up so Zoe was very worried how she was going to tell her that she'd hired her scumbag of an ex back who'd abandoned her with absolutely no care for her consideration.

She hadn't wanted to do, she really hadn't when she heard what he had to say she knew she should turn him down, tell him there was no positions available but when she'd heard him pleading like a puppy she hadn't had the heart to turn him down.

Now she had Sam to deal with.

"Sam" She called across the ED as tentatively as should could.

Sam almost laughed aloud at Zoe's attempt to be sweet and she knew she was in for 'The Tom Talk'. Stifling a giggle under the shoulder of her scrubs she turned swiftly on her heels and gave Zoe a look she felt to be as stormy as could muster.

She almost saw Zoe gulp.

"Sam how are you?"

"Erm I'm fine Zoe, but what is it?" Sam tried to keep her tone short and sharp knowing full well what reaction would be expected of her once Zoe had revealed the big news.

"Sam I have something important to tell you and I'm sorry but it was the only option available, we're sorry, I'm sorry."

"Zoe, what is it?" Sam stressed.

"Sam, it's Tom, he's back."

Sam looked at Zoe's face, how uncomfortable she looked at the prospect of being 'sweet' and how uncomfortable she looked at the possibility, which in her opinion was high, that Sam would get upset and Sam couldn't supress it any longer and she laughed.

A high pitched snorting laugh which she had in seconds immediately disguised as a cry of upset and alarm but was almost set off again by the feel of Zoe very awkwardly patting her arm.

"Are you okay Sam? If it's too much then honestly we can send him away, he doesn't have to stay. I know how upsetting this must be for you Sam."

"Zoe it's okay, I just need some time to think" Sam choked out the words before rushing out of Zoe's office and pushing past the corner where she knew Zoe couldn't hear her and collapsing in laughter.

Now Zoe Hanna was confused. Very confused. Sam had reacted very unusually, either she was so upset she could barely talk or there was something strange going on that Zoe didn't understand and if she was honest she didn't know which one she preferred.

It had been a relatively quiet first day back for Tom, a few broken bones, some minor injuries caused by an RTC and a child with a case of the flu whose overly protective mother had ordered every single test available by the hospital and Tom had been landed the burden of dealing with. He hadn't minded though, it had felt amazing to be in Holby and he had found it quite interesting to see people's responses to his return. The lads, Fletch, Jeff, Noel and Big Mac had given the usual slap on the back and the announcement he was buying them a pint. He had noticed that the girls had been a bit colder and he'd been given definite evils by Louise which he guessed was only half to do with Sam. He hadn't actually seen Sam all day which he reckoned was something to do with Zoe but he'd agreed to meet her where they left this morning.

Whistling some daft tune that had been on the radio in the staff room this morning he made his way to the spot. Funnily enough Sam wasn't there. He checked his watch assuming he was early but he wasn't he was nearly 10 minutes late. Rolling his eyes he settled down on the wall to wait.

Sam had never made it to Tom.

She'd actually been pleased, she'd been early –for once and she couldn't wait to share with Tom the story of Zoe's little 'talk' this morning. She'd hadn't been concentrating, hadn't had her guard up and that's probably why it was so easy for him to grab her.

As soon as she'd felt the contact her army instincts had kicked in but it was as she'd prepared to knee her attacker in one very particular place she'd realised his touch felt way too familiar and in the one second she'd frozen one hand had clamped her mouth whilst the other was twisting her hands round the base of her back, an action that left her no means of defence. She looked around wildly but they were alone and she felt panic begin to take over her making every breath a struggle and every heartbeat seem faster than the last so she forced herself to stay calm, panic certainly wasn't going to help.

He half pushed half dragged her round the corner of an old pub which probably hadn't seen life in years and as soon as he the hand removed from her mouth she gulped in air and turned to face him with the most steely look she could muster.

Turned to face Jason.

"What" She began, "What the hell are you doing?"

He didn't answer and in more than one way she wished he would, felt it would settle her a little. Felt the silence was scarier.

She tried again. "Jason this is mad, crazy, you need to let me go. Okay I won't report it to the police Jason I prom-"

At the mention of police he took a step in her direction and a menacing look flickered in his eyes. Sam decided then mentioning police was a very bad idea.

"Tom." He spat.

"I saw you this morning, with Tom."

"Jason I'm sorry I left you so suddenly, I really am. You've been so good to me." She hated the whiney pleading that was coming out of her mouth but was struggling to contain her fear under her usual mask.

"So sorry?" He raised his voice, incredulous. "So sorry?" He stepped forward once more so that there was barely a foot between them. Sam stepped back involuntarily but her back met the wall.

He was shouting again. "You know what, you deserve each other, and you're scum both of you. I knew it from the day I met you. Pathetic Sam Nicholls who can't own up to her feelings yet is evidently in love with some playboy who doesn't even respect her enough to stick around. Maybe I thought you liked me Sam, maybe I thought you'd stick around for me, maybe I thought I'd be ok with you, that I wouldn't get angry like before and maybe Sam, maybe I thought you loved me. Because you sure said you did. 'Ohh I love you honey, have a nice day at work'." His voice had taken on a wild mocking tone and was rising.

"Jason I'm sorry I led you on, I shouldn't have it was wrong of me."

It was at that moment she felt her phone buzz in her pocket and keep buzzing which could only mean someone was ringing her. Thanking God, Jesus, her Mum and the Buddha that she hadn't turned it off silent after work she slipped her hand into her pocket and answered the call, not caring who it was on the other line. Hoping they'd hear she raised her voice slightly.

"Jason why have you brought me here, to this place, this old pub, the Wurthering Arms? What are you going to do to me, let me go please?"

For a second confusion and suspicion flickered through his features and she realised she couldn't push it further. She prayed silently her caller had heard enough, if they were still on the line.

"Sam you've been really mean to me but Tom was really mean to you and I understand why you're hurting so I'll give you another chance. Sam you will come back to me and you will marry me and we will be happy." With every sentence he closed the gap further and when he'd finished his speech grabbed her hair and forced his lips onto hers pushing her firmly into the wall.

She couldn't help it, it was instinct. She trod on his foot, hard. In the second he let go she tried to run but he realised what she was doing and grabbed her and turned her head towards him and placed his hands on her shoulders and just when she thought he was going to kiss her again his slid his hands up to her neck and started to squeeze.

She tried fighting, she really did, but the lack of oxygen was making her dizzy, she barely even heard him snarl the words

"If I can't have you no-one can."

Just when her vision was fading behind black spots and she could feel her body giving up, she heard a faint shout and suddenly the pressure eased. Collapsing to the ground she opened her eyes painfully to see Tom deliver a punch to Jason and watch it hit him squarely on the nose. Heard Jason's cry and watched Tom draw his arm back once more.

Closing her eyes once more, wanting not to see the consequences she tried to shout Tom's name but the sound she managed was barely a croak. He heard though and as he turned she saw him holding a limp Jason by the front of his jacket, worry etched across every delicate feauture.

That was the last thing Sam Nicholls saw before she passed out.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam awoke to a steady beat, a steady beat which she immediately recognised as a heart monitor.

For a second she was confused, she knew she was in hospital, she recognised the smell as much as anything but she didn't quite know why.

Then someone pulled the curtain back and she shut her eyes, blocking out the voices which had awakened a deep throbbing in her throat and she remembered everything. She realised the voices belonged to Tom and Zoe and smiled at the familiarity of their gentle argument.

"Tom you're going to have to explain"

"I have explained everything to the police Zoe"

"I didn't say the police, you're going to have to explain to me."

Sam could picture the look on Zoe's face and almost laughed but that would have blown her cover and to be honest the burning in her throat suggested to her it would have been painful.

"I was walking home from work and I heard shouts and then I saw him" Tom spat the 'him' unable to disguise the disgust in his voice and Sam silently prayed that he wouldn't give anything away, about them, about their rekindling of their relationship. Knowing she wasn't ready to be scrutinised.

Tom continued.

"I saw him with his hands wrapped round her neck and I snapped. She's my - she was my - I -"

"I know Tom, and I think Sam has just had an incredible piece of luck, that you 'just happened to be walking past', maybe it will start to make up for the fact you're the reason she's with that, that monster anyway."

"Zoe I know you hate me - "

Zoe said nothing

"But I had reasons"

"What? 'A fit bird' offered?"

"No. I have never been with anyone since Sam, you have to know that"

"Tom" Zoe's voice was gentle now but firm.

"You may have had 'reasons' but she won't see it that way, you better be out of here for when she wakes up, she won't want to see you,"

Zoe didn't know how wrong she was.

When the room fell silent once more Sam opened her eyes. She was in cubicles, like she'd expected. She sighed, it was painful knowing that the only person she wanted to be with right now was to all of her friends and colleagues her biggest enemy. She knew Tom wouldn't be able to visit her here, and although she was pleased he'd been able to keep their secret she wished it was all out in the open, that Tom was here with her.

Then the curtain was pulled open once more and suddenly he was here.

He looked suprised she was awake, his eyebrows shooting up. She opened her mouth to speak but something in his face stopped her.

"Sam, you were strangled for quite a while and starved off oxygen, luckily you don't have any permanent brain damage but-"

She'd been waiting for the but.

"But you may have damage to your vocal cords, you may find speaking a struggle for the time being but it should wear off, however you should try and remain silent, you don't want to damage them further."

She didn't know what to say, then again she couldn't actually say anything. She look up at him at the concern, the worry, the pain in his eyes and she wanted to tell him she loved him and that she was sorry, although she didn't know what for, she wanted to tell him what he meant to her but seeing as she couldn't she just took his hand, hanging limply by his side and squeezed.

"Sam I shouldn't have left you alone him, after last night - what he did. This is my fault Sam"

He looked on the verge of crying and she was screaming that it was not his fault, that it was only Jason's fault and he was amazing and kind and gentle and amazing but she was screaming on the inside and her form remained silent.

She shook her head hoping he'd understand but he still looked ashamed and she had to speak.

But she just well, croaked.

In a second he was beside her, grabbing her hand.

"Sam" he stretched out the 'a' sound, groaning.

"You can't speak, not yet. You'll have a doctor come in later and go though some basic sounds with you."

A look of genuine horror filled Sam's face and Tom couldn't help but snort with laughter. Sam tried to hold her glare but it faltered, she couldn't help but smile when Tom was around, he made everything seem, well, lighter.

Tom gently smiled back and her then reached to the curtain, took an quick peek round then cupped her face in his hands and gently kissed her on the lips. As he made to pull away she wrapped a hand in his hair and pulled him closer deepening the kiss, something which didn't bother Tom at all. When he finally pulled away there was a genuine smile adorning her delicate features and it was one that made his stomach fall in a way he had never fully come to understand. The sound of footsteps tore him from his pondering.

"I have to go Sam"

She nodded but she desperately wanted him to stay, desperately wanted just to be with him, be it here, be it the other side of the world, just wanted to be with him.

But he'd already left.

"Ok, try and repeat it 'maaaargh'"

Sam didn't even try, just raised one eyebrow pointedly and Zoe sensing defeat collapsed onto the bed next to her.

"Sam you have to strengthen your vocal cords, you have to do the exercises."

Sam just wanted Zoe to leave but with no voice to say so, she was stuck trying desperately to convey her annoyance with her eyes.

"Yes Sam I get it you don't want to do it, you want me to go"

Sam sat back, smug.

"Look at you, pleased you've got your message across, you're so childish sometimes. You remind me of Tom -oh - sorry"

Sam tried best with her facial features to say 'what do you have to be sorry for?' But this time her message was apparently not as successfully conveyed because Zoe was awkwardly kind of petting her, like she was a rabbit or a cat.

"Sam I understand that you and Tom have a lot to work through and I understand that things between you will be tough but you'll have to work together now. I will understand if you don't want to work with him and I'll try and keep you separated where I can. Just to let your know Holby City ED is team Sam." Zoe awkwardly punched the air and for the first time Sam was glad she couldn't speak, instead she smiled politely and Zoe sensing her discomfort got up to leave.

"One more thing Sam" Zoe's voice was businesslike once more.

"Hmmph?" It was the best Sam could manage but she thought it made sense.

"Jason's been arrested and charged with attempted murder awaiting trial"

Sam closed her eyes briefly, relief flooding through her.

When she opened them again she was alone.


	9. Chapter 9

"Right well Sam, it looks like once you've signed these discharge forms you're clear to leave"

Sam replied slowly, firstly because her voice wasn't really up to anything too strong and secondly because she wanted to breach this subject carefully to Zoe.

"When will I be allowed to return to work?

"Sam, you've just been strangled and lost your voice for 3 days, don't you think you should take a rest?" Zoe was incredulous.

"Ok fine I'll take tomorrow off?

"Sam." Zoe's tone was clear.

"Fine I'll take tomorrow and Thursday off but that's it."

For a second Zoe looked like protesting but after glancing at her younger colleague and seeing the determination etched across her face she evidently changed her mind.

Sighing like a mother with an unruly child she wrung her hands together.

"Ok fine Sam but is there anyone you can stay with, a friend or a relative perhaps? Someone to take care of you for a couple of days? It's either that or you take the rest of the week off."

She wasn't joking.

"Fine yes I have a friend I can call" Sam had no doubt in her mind that her friend was a little more than just that but she decided to keep his, Tom's, identity a secret.

Zoe evidently had other plans.

"Which friend?" Zoe attempted a friendly smile which she felt said 'I'm interested in your safety and care for you' not 'I'm nosy and want to know who you're staying with'

"Erm" Sam panicked. "No-one really" she blustered

Now Zoe was curious, "come on Sam who? Tell me?"

"Its no-one you know Zoe"

Zoe was obviously as smart as she made out to be,

"Sam is it a guy? Is that why you and Jason fell out?"

Sam said nothing, but her face must have said it all.

"Sam!" Zoe squealed.

"What?" Sam didn't squeal.

"Who?"

"Zoe it's no-one" It's not it's Tom.

"Is he hot?"

"Erm I dunno?" Yes, very.

"Ahh so there is a guy". Zoe looked smug.

"What no there isn't!" Yes there is.

"Ooh Sam you dark horse"

"Zoe you're my boss and everything but, well, shut up"

Before Zoe could reply Sam had trust the discharge forms in her hands and was practically running out of the ED.

Zoe was worried about her younger colleague. If she was honest she'd never seem Sam properly content with anyone until she saw her with Tom and she worried that Sam was rushing into another relationship, which could prove disastrous especially with Tom back on the scene.

Sam burst out of the ED, needing to be away from Zoe and her endless questions, she knew her boss was only trying to help but Sam wasn't the type of person to accept help especially from someone hated her boyfriend because of her and thought Sam hated him too.

Boyfriend.

Was Tom her boyfriend?

It seemed crazy but it had only been 4 days since she had woke up besides Jason, Tom just a figment of her dreams, or nightmares?

Since what Sam was referring to the the 'accident', much to the annoyance of Tom who insisted it was anything but an 'accident', Tom had been visiting Sam in secret when the wing was clearer but seen as he wasn't even her doctor the brief minutes they had together and even their stolen kisses were filled with haste and Sam was ever conscious they'd be caught. They'd been together for only 3 days but Sam felt like it had been forever and certainly the one year gap after their previous relationship was seeming increasingly dimmer. Was he her boyfriend? Was he less? More?

She didn't know but what she did know that even know after their long term relationship, followed by her heartbreak and now seemingly his too, the thought of having Tom Kent as her boyfriend still sent her stomach fluttering and a tingle up her spine.

And she did know she liked it.

She walked out into the ambulance bay and sat down on a bench just out the hospital.

She also knew that she really had better ask Tom if she could stay with him because for one Zoe would find some way of finding out she'd been staying alone and if she was honest her home never felt properly like her home without Tom cluttering it up. She didn't want to admit it even to herself, but she was glad Zoe wouldn't let her stay alone, she could still feel his hands around her neck, could still picture the manic look in his eyes the fleck of spittle in the corner of his mouth. She could still hear the sound of his voice, cold and hard, leering her to her death.

She only realised she was shaking when Tom wrapped his arms around her and she leant into his body and breathed in the soft scent of his hoody, of him. It was so familiar that she forgot they couldn't be seen together and forgot that she was Sam Nicholls who was tough and didn't cry and she just broke down.

Tom didn't say anything.

Just held her, and stroked her hair.

And when her muffled sobs had subsided he wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed away their snail like paths on her face. Then he stood up and pulled her to him and led her to his car and it was only when they were pulling in at his house did he finally speak.

"Sam, I am so sorry"

Sam choked a surprised sob back.

"For what Tom?"

"Sam if I'd never left you would would have ever been with, with him." Tom couldn't even bring himself to speak Jason's name.

"Tom just forget about what's been and gone, be here now"

"Sam will you stay with me? Just for now if you want? I need to know you're ok"

Sam smiled and her saw her answer in her face.

She hadn't even had to ask.

She leant over to where he was sat and cupped his cheek in her hand. Then she pulled his face to meet hers and softly kissed him on the lips. At her touch he had wrapped his sr,s around her as best as he could in a car and gently caressed her hand with his. When she pulled away he leapt out of the car and ran around to her side, pulling open the door theatrically and goofily bowed as she stepped out.

"M-lady"

Sam giggled.

God he loved her giggle.

He led her upstairs to his room and after getting into his bed pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and planting gentle kisses on the top of her head.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again Sam."

"Yeah, same, I really let my guard down there" Sam joked.

Tom smiled but at once glance from Sam she could see he wasn't joking.

She loved how much he cared.

He loved how brave she was, trying to brush off what had happened with a joke.

He loved her, he told her.

"I love you too Tom" she replied.

Then added, "always have".

He smiled at her and turned off the bedside light, when he settled again she was asleep against his chest.

He kissed her once more on the head, then closed his eyes.

They were happy.


	10. Chapter 10

"Sam!"

"What?" Sam tried her best to act innocent but Tom saw straight through it.

"Sam don't try and fool me, you were getting dressed for work weren't you?"

Sam said nothing.

Taking that to be as near to a confession as he would get Tom scooped her up and plonked her back down into his bed before she had a second to protest.

"Tom this isn't fair, I'm coming to work!"

"Sam if you even try to come to work today then I will stay off myself, lock the doors and hold you hostage."

One look at Tom's face and Sam knew he was serious.

"Fine" She muttered, burying her face in the duvet.

"Oh Sammy don't sulk" Tom teased.

"I am not sulking", came the muffled reply from beneath the duvet.

"Oh really? In that case would you care to explain why you have taken fort under my duvet?"

When Sam didn't reply Tom sensing victory dived down next to Sam on the bed and began to tickle her mercilessly from under the duvet.

Sam squealed for him to stop.

"I'll stop when you promise to take the day off."

Nothing.

Tom carried on for approximately 2 seconds then,

"Ok ok I promise just STOP!"

Tom stopped.

"Thankyou Samantha I appreciate your compliance."

"Shut up." Sam's tone of voice was something to do with the use of her Christian name as well as the fact she'd lost but she couldn't keep her grudge for any longer because Tom was planting tiny kisses on her lips and begrudgingly, kicking herself for it she couldn't help but kiss him back.

"Tom will you let me go back tomorrow?" Sam was fully away she was a whining like a 4 year old but she really didn't care.

"Sam you know most people would relish the day off?"

"Well I'm not most people"

"No" Tom agreed affectionately, "No you're definitely not"

For a second Sam forgot her cause and allowed herself a shy smile up at Tom who was returning her grin. Then she remembered he hadn't actually answered her question so she dropped the smile and titled her head up so her eyes met his.

"Can I Tom?"

"Fine I'll speak to Zoe" Tom comprised.

"No Tom, you can't" Sam's voice raised in pitch in her panic, startling Tom.

For a second Tom looked confused, and his face clouded as it dawned on him. As of the moment he and Sam weren't in a public relationship, he was forgetting what had happened over the past year and was acting as if they had never broken up; well he had never left her.

"Of course, sorry Sam." He muttered looking down, breaking their eye contact.

"Tom it's ok, you don't have to apologise every time someone brings something up that involves the past, what happened between us.

Tom smiled gratefully but still looked down so Sam titled his head up by his chin so his eyes met hers once more.

"Tom I tell will them."

Them was her colleagues at the ED, her closet friends.

"I just have to wait a bit, until the time is right."

Tom understood.

He nodded once and then took Sam's face in his hand and kissed her softly.

"I have to go Sam, and yes you can go back tomorrow but it's your neck on the line with Zoe."

Sam practically jumped up and down with excitement.

Tom shook his head and rolled his eyes, only his girlfriend would almost wet herself at the prospect of going back to work a day earlier. But he loved the way she loved her job and he loved her childish excitement, it was a side he didn't get to see as often as he liked and so he wasn't going to chastise her for it. It was good to see her smiling again.

"Bye Sam, there's food, films, make yourself at home."

"Love you." she shouted as he made his way downstairs.

"I know." he shouted back, cheekily."

"Oi."

"Love you too."

"Better."

The door slammed shut.

Sam lay back. She knew that she really should start to think about telling Zoe and the others about her and Tom but it felt so hypocritical, she had spent a year grimacing at his mention and to be crude, bitching about him. Now she had to tell her friends she'd taken him back, she'd look weak. Not that she regretted her decision, she loved Tom and she knew if push came to shove she'd tell the truth but as much as she hated to admit it the route of cowardice, the one where she keep Tom her dirty little secret was becoming the increasingly easier option.

She brushed the though aside, Sam Nicholls wasn't a coward was she? She promised herself she would tell Zoe before the end of the week and sat up once more feeling satisfied.

A month later and she still hadn't told anyone.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been a month since Sam Nicholls had promised herself she would tell her friends and colleagues that she had taken back the ex-boyfriend who had left her, the one who she had spent a year bad mouthing and the one who she now appeared to be living with.

That ex-boyfriend, now boyfriend in particular was getting increasingly irritated.

They had reached the point in their daily drive to work where Tom would stop the car and let Sam get out so she could walk to the rest of the route as to ensure none of their colleagues saw them entering the ED together and put two and two together.

The point in their daily drive where Sam would be able to literally feel the tension in the car, which had been building every day that she had promised to come clean but, hadn't. At the point everyday Sam would climb out, plant a brief kiss on Tom's lips and promise that today will be the day and Tom would smile and nod because he forgave his girlfriend every day, regardless of the fact she broke her promise every day.

"Tom I'm sorry."

"Sam it's fine, I understand it's hard for you." Tom's words were kind but his face painted a different picture.

"Tom today will –"

"Be the day? Yes I know Sam, today will be the day."

Sam hung her head.

"Hey, hey i didn't mean it like that, it's just I want to show you off Sam, I want the world to know that we're together, that I got Dr Sam Nicholls and I am bloody proud of her."

"I know."

She smiled at him and even though she could see he was straining it slightly she took comfort in his returning smile. She knew she was pushing it, it had been a month and she also knew how much it hurt Tom to have to act like they didn't know each other at work, she knew what it felt like, she'd been through it with Dylan. She knew how much it hurt. She didn't bother making herself a promise today, knowing full well she'd break it. She wished there was just some way of Zoe knowing without the actual telling Zoe part, the timing just never seemed right. She had come close, once or twice, when Zoe had made a comment like 'are you sure you're okay working with Tom? 'Or' I noticed you and Tom seem civil enough, I'm pleased you're being professional' and she'd almost told her everything, then Zoe had made an offhand remark like 'I know it must be hard' or 'at least he's acting like an adult now' and the perfectly formed words just waiting on her lips would fail her and she'd make her excuses and leave.

She brushed the thought from her mind as she entered the staffroom, ED was busy today and she was in resus, she'd need her focus.

"Right Sam, Tom and Fletch over here please?" Zoe commanded her staff over to a bed where a woman was squirming in evident pain.

"This is Lucy Kitchen, 22. Fell down a flight of stairs, queried fractured wrist as well as possible concussion and a small laceration to forehead."

"Ok Lucy? My name is Sam, I'm your doctor, can you tell me if you feel sick or dizzy at all?"

For a second the woman stared, looking blank, but then she refocused and gave the smallest of nods,

"A little."

"Ok" Sam turned to Fletch,

"Can you get a head CT organised and get an x-ray booked for her wrist?"

"Onnit" Fletch smiled his usual cheeky grin and sauntered off.

The woman smiled,  
"He single?"

"Married, 2 kids, sorry." Tom interjected.

"Oh" For a second the woman looked dejected, then she perked up.

"How about you?"

Tom glanced at Sam for a brief moment then smiled at down at Lucy.

"I am not currently dating."

"How on earth did that happen?" Lucy looked up at Tom, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously

"I tell myself that every day."

The patient laughed for a second but was cut short as a stab of pain took hold.

Seeing the pain in her face, Tom suddenly professional turned to Sam.

"Can you administer 5mg more of morphine please Dr Nicholls?"

When Sam had done she turned back to Tom but he had already left.

"So what's his deal?" Lucy asked when the morphine had taken hold of the pain.

"Sorry?" Sam was genuinely confused.

"Well is he properly single?"

"You're not seriously actually interested?" Sam's eyebrows shot into the air.

"Yeah he's gorgeous, and the other one's married so I have to give this one a go." Lucy shot Sam a cheeky smile.

"Well I wouldn't know, ask him, excuse me, sorry."

As Sam walked away she was shocked herself at how aggressive she'd sounded.

Lucy stared for a second then muttered under her breath

"Snooty cow."

Little did Sam, Tom or even Lucy know, their whole conversation had not gone unnoticed by Zoe who was treating a patient just one bed to the right.

"Sam!" Tom called out to her as they passed on the corridor.

"Yes Tom?"

"I have Lucy Kitchen's CT and X-ray results, the CT came back clear but the x-ray has confirmed a broken risk and looking at it, she's probably going to need an operation to set the bones right. Do you want to deliver the news or shall I?"

"I think we'd both know who'd prefer to do so, wouldn't we Tom?" Sam's voice dripped with ice.

"I'm sorry what is that meant to mean?" Tom stared at Sam, incredulous.

"Well Mr I'm Single, why don't you ask her." Sam jerked a thumb aggressively at Lucy who was sat up in the bed smiling at Tom.

"Sam, you know I couldn't say I a relationship, people might get suspicious! It's you who's all about keeping this whole thing a secret."

"And it just so happened to be the hot, 22 year old who you professed your apparently 'single' nature to then Tom?"

"What so you're all about truth now Sam?" It was Tom's turn to be aggressive now and he raised his eyebrows incredulously.

"Because before Sam it was all let's pretend we're not in a relationship, so will you please make your mind up? Am I single or not?"

Their argument was becoming heated and they were beginning to catch attention aware of this Sam made the decision to leave, as hurt as she was by Tom, she wasn't going to do this out here.

"You know what Tom, after this? I don't know." She turned on her heel and marched off leaving Tom stood, the results hanging in his hand staring at the back off her as she marched off.

Then he heard the clicking of high heels and felt the presence of someone behind him.

"Tom, what was that about?"

Fuck, Zoe.

"It's was nothing Zoe, we just argued over a patient's treatment."

"Well which patient?"

Zoe started but Tom was already marching off in the opposite direction.

Zoe Hanna was worried again.

Not because Sam and Tom were arguing, the ED had seen enough of that over their time.

No, she was worried because this argument was different.

This one looked less like their usual arguments.

Less like their usual arguments and more like a lovers tiff.


	12. Chapter 12

**Quick question, would you guys prefer if this fic was ended soon or that it continues with more plot lines? Please leave a comment in reviews.**

For the rest of their shift Sam and Tom put their utmost efforts into annoying the other.  
Whilst neither really wanted to be away from the other, they wouldn't admit this to each other and so took it into their own hands to show their care for each other childishly attempting to make the other jealous.  
Tom flirted openly with Lucy although only when Sam was around to hear it and on more than one occasion Sam was quick to compliment Ash's consulting skills, be it only on cases that she and Tom were working on.  
Instead of meeting on their lunch break as they had planned to Sam casually dismissed her need for lunch, deciding, quite vocally, instead to walk the grounds, to as she put it, clear her head.  
Tom, expressed his delight at being able to escape the ED for a period of time, announcing his plans to drive to his and Sam's favourite cafe in town, to as he put it, escape the atmosphere of the ED.  
When both of her doctors stropped off in opposite directions Zoe sighed to herself, hoping for her sake as well as theirs they sorted out whatever exactly was going on between them, whatever it was it was affecting their work, neither had been exactly 'on the ball' today and although Zoe desperately didn't want to have to have a little 'chat' with either of them she feared she may have to.  
Sam thought of Tom, the more she dwelled on the situation the worse she felt. It had been a month since Jason, a month. Why couldn't she forget about it, move on and admit her and Tom's relationship, if they even still had one, to their colleagues. Was it her pride? Her stubbornness? She knew under everything she desperately didn't want to be going home alone tonight.  
Tom thought of Sam. What was he thinking? It had only been a month since the whole Jason thing. He was being so unfair! She had faced a man she trusted attempting to murder her and he was pushing her to tell her friends she'd taken back a man who'd left her with nothing? He had to talk to her, he couldn't let her go home alone tonight.  
When their shift reconvened Tom sought every moment to speak to Sam but the ED was busy and Zoe had them rushed off their feet, he noticed that they had no cases together this afternoon which puzzled him slightly, why would Zoe separate them unless she smelled a rat? He already knew Zoe's feelings for him, she'd made them pretty clear alright and if she thought Tom was riling Sam then she'd be bound to separate them.  
Shit she's onto something Tom thought, hoping he was wrong.  
He had to find Sam.  
Sam stood in the locker room pulling her things out of her locker, first her bag, then her coat. She was being unnecessarily slow and she knew that, she was buying time for Tom, waiting for him to appear so she could tell him how she felt, she knew she should look for him but the tiny bit of stubbornness left in her willed her not to, she couldn't look too desperate could she? Much as she wanted to.  
She checked the time, her shift ended ten minutes ago, still no Tom. She made her way to the door, to leave. She felt sick, had she taken it too far? Had he really left? All those flirty compliments to Ash, they were unnecessary. She'd pushed him away, again. She let a tear fall silently down her face. She'd ruined everything, she'd -

"Sam!"  
He was here.  
"Tom I need to talk to you."  
"We'll I need to talk to you too Sam"  
"I'm sorry." They said it together.  
"Sam what do you have to be sorry for?" He sounded genuinely confused.  
"For everything Tom, I've been terrible to you, I should have told Zoe, told everyone first thing but I've just been dragging it out and out and I'm so sorry Tom."  
Now the tears were falling freely and Sam made no move to stop them. Tom did though.  
Using a thumb he wiped the tears from under her eyes.  
"Samantha Nicholls I have never heard such nonsense in my life."  
Sam looked up at him confused.  
"I'm the one in the wrong Sam." He wrung his hands. "I pushed you to tell people when I shouldn't have. I understand now it was too early. I don't need them to know I just need one thing Sam."  
"What thing?" Sam asked choking back her tears and fighting to retain her composure.  
"You, you idiot."  
Sam didn't hesitate.  
She wrapped her arms around his neck and flung herself at him, he caught her nimbly and held her as close as he could, wrapping his arms around her waist he relished in the feel of her body once more pressed to his, the steady pulse of her heart, the way she grasped to him and didn't let go.  
Reluctantly she pulled away, conscious of their surroundings, but only for a second was she alone as Tom reached back for her this time pulling her face to his and meeting her soft lips with his, gently kissing them. She pushed her hands through his hair and one of his hands left her face to find the back of her head pushing her to him deepening this kiss.  
It seemed hours when they finally broke apart.  
"Thank you Tom"  
"Well I know I'm good but I don't normally get thanked" Tom flashed a cheeky grin.  
"Shut up, I meant thank you for forgiving me."  
"Sam." Tom was suddenly serious. "I have nothing to forgive you for."  
Sam shook her head,  
"You do Tom, you do. I will tell them soon, whenever you want."  
"No need, one of them already knows."  
Sam and Tom swivelled together at the sound of a third voice.  
"Well well, Sam and Tom! I was under the impression you too hated each other's guts but from what I've just heard and well, seen. I was most undoubtably wrong!."  
Tom and Sam blushed furiously and averted their eyes to any where but their grinning colleague.  
"Oh don't mind me, just carry on snogging each other's faces off -"  
Sam and Tom said it together.  
"Fletch!"  
"Alright, alright I get it, keep it on the hush yeah? Your little secret's safe with me."  
Saving both Sam and Tom the embarrassment of answering Fletch left the ED grinning furiously, delighted in having caught Sam and Tom out. He'd always suspected there was still something between that pair, even after Tom had left.  
He plucked his phone out of his scrub pocket and began typing.  
'Meet me later 4 drink. Got big news. U will be shocked. F x'  
Grinning once more, he selected the contact 'Tess' pressed send and exited the ED.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam Nicholls was in overdrive.

Her mind was spinning, she couldn't stop thinking about Fletch and what he would do and in addition she had a thumping headache, which she could only presume was caused by the stress.

She decided not to tell Tom about the headache, he would only worry more. He had reminded her about 50 times since they had arrived at his that it didn't matter if Fletch knew he had promised not to tell hadn't he?

Of course Tom wouldn't mind, Sam thought. He'd be loving this, one step closer to their colleagues finding out about them, he'd probably sent Fletch in there himself.

No.

Had she really just thought that?

What she thinking? Of course Tom hadn't sent Fletch in, she knew that really but she couldn't explain the dark thoughts creeping into her subconsciousness, nor her puzzlingly immediate change of mood.

Maybe she would go lie down for a bit, she was starting to feel pretty tired.

When Sam opened her eyes pale slivers of sun were beginning to slip into the room and she could hear birds somewhere signifying it was probably early morning.

For about 3 seconds she drifted dreamily between sleeping and being awake before a wave of nausea threw her and with a hit of adrenalin she threw the covers back, noticing for a second the sleeping form of Tom lying next to where she was, and ran to the bathroom, making it just in time.

When her vomiting has ceased she sat back against the bathroom wall and drew in shaky breaths praying she hadn't woken Tom. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, the opposite in fact. She just didn't want to worry him. She guessed after she had fallen asleep on the sofa yesterday at what must have been around 6:30 he had carried upstairs and put her to bed.

Gratefully she smiled, then realised she was alone and chastised herself for being silly. She left the bathroom and climbed back into bed with Tom relishing the warmth of his body.

When Tom opened his eyes and checked his alarm clock it was 8:30, both he and Sam had a shift at 10 so there would be enough time for breakfast. He glanced at his girlfriend sleeping peacefully and placed a quick kiss on her forehead before leaving.

As soon as Tom had left the room Sam's eyes snapped open. Sighing, she sat up I'm bed and tiredly rubbed her eyes, since she'd woken earlier try as she might she hadn't been able to drift off again and so had laid for nearly 3 hours beside Tom dreading the moment he would wake and their day would start, because starting the day meant going to work and going to work meant seeing Fletch and anyone else there. In addition her nausea had subsided only to be replaced with a dull headache once more. When she had finally made her way out of bed and reached the kitchen she was greeting with the smells of bacon and coffee, Tom was making her favourite morning snack but she had to turn away, the smell of the kitchen threatening to upset her stomach once more.

"Hey." Sam called softly but Tom heard her, he whipped around with the frying pan aloft in his hand and Sam had to turn her head away once more.

"I'm not sure I'm all that hungry really Tom."

"Sam" came the response, just as Sam had expected Tom would be worried if she even opted to skip one tiny meal. "You have to eat something Sam"

"Fine." Sam plucked an apple from the fruit bowl and waved mock ecstatically.

"Sam you're not still stressed about the Fletch thing are you?" Tom's brows furrowed and he abandoned the bacon to sit by her side at the table. He took her hand and gentle rubbed his thumb over her palm, she was grateful for his touch.

"I guess, I don't know Tom, it's just all a bit much."

"Maybe you should take today off Sam? Say you've come down with something, you do look kind of pale."

Sam said nothing but her face, a picture of disgust at showing any form of weakness, said it all.

"Ok, ok." Tom held his hands up in defeat. "Just remember I'm here for you Sam, how about I go have a word with Fletch? Sort it out?"

For a second Sam looked like protesting but then her features softened and she nodded quickly, mumbling her thanks and pulling her chair back to go and get ready upstairs.

"Hey aren't you forgetting something?" Tom looked hurt.

For a moment Sam worried he was going to try and make her eat again, she was starting to feel sick again and was beginning to even dread the mere apple hanging limp by her side. But then he took her hand, pulled her to him, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her lips to his. At his touch Sam felt instantly better and for a fleeting second her troubles crumbled away.

"I could never forget you Thomas Kent."

"Don't you forget it Samantha Nicholls."

When they reached the ED Tom went to find Fletch for their 'man to man chat' as he put it and Sam went to change into her scrubs, she had to admit, even if it was just to herself that she felt really bad, she even half wished she'd taken up Tom's offer of a day off even if it would have ultimately led to her sitting on the sofa restlessly for hours, phone in hand, waiting expectantly for an emergency call from Zoe summoning her back to the ED.

She lay her head against her locker grateful for the soothing chill it provided and only was summoned out of her daze by a polite cough and the sound of someone repeating her name.

"Tess?"

"Sam are you ok?" Tess's soft voice soothed Sam, and it was only then she realised how close to tears she was. What was she thinking? Crying at work? Sam never cried at anything, not even the soppiest, saddest rom coms. She shook her head, attempting to regain composure but winced when the movement enticed a sharp bolt of pain across her head. She realised Tess was waiting for an answer.

"Yes Tess I'm fine. I have to go, sorry."

She made her way to the door.

"Sam I know about you and Tom."

Sam swiveled so quickly that her head went fuzzy and for a moment she swayed on her feet.

"What?"

"Sam it's fine it's ok, Fletch told me I-"

"Fletch told you?" Underneath Sam's fear at another person knowing their secret confusion momentarily flickered somewhere, she hadn't realised Tess and Fletch were so close, Tess was so professional she couldn't for a moment imagine her to gossip.

Tess looked startled for a second, then she regained her composure and smiled softly.

"Yes he look troubled so I inquired why he wasn't working properly and he just kind of spilled, I think maybe he needed to tell someone." Tess said smoothly, covering her tracks.

Sam blinked. Once. Twice. How could Tess know? How could Fletch tell her? Tess would tell Zoe. Would she? Would Zoe be mad? What would happen now? Does everyone know? Are they all laughing at her? The silly girl who took back her heart breaking ex.

A million and one thoughts flew through Sam's mind and she started to feel nausea in the pit of her stomach, she tried to turn to leave but her legs wouldn't work properly and then her knees gave way and she stumbled towards Tess who caught her elbow and steadied her.

"Sam sit down." Tess's kind but firm voice faintly registered in her head and without a flicker of defiance Sam sat on the locker room sofa.

"Sam you nearly fainted there what's going on?"

Sam remained silent, staring at a frayed spot on the sofa.

Tess said nothing but the pointed frown on her face signified that she had no plans to leave until Sam spilled.

"I've just been a bit ill recently that's all, and you caught me off guard, it's fine."

A look of pure concern filtered onto Tess's face and inwardly Sam groaned. She shouldn't have mentioned feeling ill.

"Symptoms?" Tess pressed.

Sam gave up.

"Erm, headaches, tiredness, and dizziness I guess."

"Vomiting?" Tess probed once more.

"Yes." Sam admitted, her eyes fixed on the frayed spot of sofa she had now begun to pick at, small pieces of the stuffing were spilling out of the small gap and Sam rubbed them between her fingers absentmindedly before letting them float softly to the floor.

"Sam?" Tess's voice took a new tone, one which Sam had been dreading.

She looked up, only fleetingly, but Tess evidently took it as a sign to continue.

"If it's alright with you I'd like to take some tests?"

Sam nodded, dejectedly.

"Great." Tess also nodded, considerably more energetically.

"Follow me to a cubicle."

Tom had found Fletch.

"Fletch, just the guy I'm looking for."

"Thomas Kent, the lover boy. What can I do for you?" Fletch grinned cheekily, unable to resist the comment.

"Watch it" Tom warned but he was unable to keep the smile off his face.

"Hey, only stating the truth."

"It's about that Fletch, don't say anything ok."

"What not proud of your girlfriend Tom? Shameful." Fletch's tone was light but Tom's face dropped.

"It's the other way round mate." He muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"Well she doesn't want anyone to know we are together, even though I'm all for it."

"Well c'mon Tom, with your reputation regarding the women around here I'm hardly surprised mate." Fletch had meant it as jokey dig but Tom looked crushed. Fletch quickly continued. "No but Tom you're a great guy and you clearly love her, its plain to see."

"Really?" Tom brightened.

"Yeah mate." Fletch smiled at his colleague, he hadn't been lying, Tom did clearly love Sam and he personally was pleased they were back together, he was close to Sam and he been one of the few to properly see what she was going through without Tom, underneath all the bravado. He also knew that not all of their colleagues shared their view point. He wasn't however going to mention this to Tom.

"Cheers mate." Tom smiled again. "Just don't tell anyone yet ok?"

Fletch squirmed.

Tom glared at him.

"You haven't have you?"

Fletch looked at the floor.

"Fletch!"

"It was only Tess ok?"

"Tess?" Tom looked puzzled. He had been expecting it to be Robyn or Jamie or one of the younger colleagues Fletch joked around with, he hadn't been expecting Tess.

"Erm yeah." Fletch mumbled, sensing Tom's confusion, desperately trying to think of a reason he would tell Tess the news.

"Can't keep anything from the boss can you?" He tried.

But Tom only gave him an exasperated look and left the room.

Sam was busying herself in work, even though she felt like she'd run a marathon before arriving for her shift today.

She was treating a man who had cut himself when doing building work and although it was pretty routine, some pain relief, a few stiches and a tetanus, she could barely concentrate.

She was almost thankful when Tess called her away for a moment, until she realised what it meant.

Only once they were seated in Tess's office with the door shut did she say anything.

This worried Sam. Tess could have given the all clear easily in the hospital corridor.

"Well your bloods tested clear for most things as was expected"

Tess hesitated.

"There's a 'but' isn't there?" Sam groaned. "Just tell me Tess."

Tess looked Sam and suddenly Sam knew. She had seen that look before, she'd given that look before.

"Congratulations Sam, you're pregnant."

Pregnant.

She'd known.

Deep down she'd always known.

The vomiting, the tiredness, the mood swings, the crying.

Somewhere she had always known this was a possibility, but it was a possibility she hadn't been willing to entertain and so had pushed the thought away and convinced herself she was just run down.

Shit.

"Sam how do you feel about this?"

"Tess." Sam's voice wobbled.

"Tess, I can't keep it."


	14. Chapter 14

For a moment or two the small room was silent, then Tess reached over to Sam and placed her hand on top of Sam's and for once Sam didn't shy away, instead she held her head high and looked Tess straight in the eye.  
"I just can't do this now, the time isn't right."  
"I know."  
Sam's confusion must have shown on her face because Tess sighed and she tore her eyes from the intensity of Sam's gaze  
"I was pregnant not so long ago."  
Sam made a small gasping sound then her hand found her mouth, as if to hide her shock. Saving her from finding a response Tess continued.  
"I aborted the baby Sam, I gave up my child. The reason? I couldn't bring that baby into the world knowing it's father couldn't possibly love me, commit to me like he should. But Tom? Tom loves you unconditionally. And you may say that I only found out recently about your relationship, and you may have a point but I've seen the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. He wouldn't care who found out Sam. Give him a chance, take the chance I never could."  
Sam's vision blurred with thick tears yet her mouth suddenly dried up, she felt the utmost respect for her older colleague but didn't quite know how to tell her.  
Something told Sam that Tess understood.  
"I have to speak to Tom."  
"Of course" Tess smiled, although it was clear to Sam her colleague was struggling to keep it together, sensing she wanted to be alone Sam left the room but not before Tess could call to her,  
"The time will never be 'right' Sam. Remember that."

"Zoe?"  
"Yes Sam?" Zoe put down her files and turned to her colleague.  
"Have you seen Tom?"  
"Erm" for a second Zoe was about to ask why but when she turned and saw the look of panic on Sam's face she fell short.  
"He just went into cubicles, Sam are you ok? What's going on?"  
But Sam had left.

She found him pacing the corridor.  
His brows were furrowed in a way that she knew meant he was unsure of what to do.  
She watched him walk to the window at the end of the corridor, watched him stretch his arms to either side of the window pane, watched as the muscles in his arms became taunt and then relaxed again as he brought his hands to his hair and held on to loose curls with a vice like grip.  
She knew he cared. She knew what she had to do.  
Then she watched as he dropped his arms to his side.  
And turn.

She was watching him.  
One hand was hovering in the air as if reaching for something seen only to her, the fingers splayed in a manner that reminded him of a greeting.  
Her face was rigid and stony and he knew she was keeping something in, knew she was trying to keep everything together.  
He wanted more than anything to be at her side.  
So he went to her.

One hand reached for her face, stroking gently at her cheek, the other took her hand and held her slight fingers between his.  
"Sam I'm sorry, Fletch told Tess and I don't know how long it will be before he tells someone else I'm sorry Sam I've been thinking of what to do and I just don't know I-"  
"I'm pregnant".

Sam said the words so quietly she barely mouthed them, but Tom heard.  
And then that was it, Fletch didn't matter. Neither did Tess. Neither did Zoe or Ash or anyone for that matter.  
Anyone apart from Sam Nicholls who was stood barely half a meter from hiding behind a sheath of blonde hair biting her lip as she nervously awaited his response.  
And then he kissed her. He cupped her face and interlocked his fingers with those of her trembling hand and kissed her. And with the feel of his gentle lips caressing hers and the support of his hand in hers, soft and warm Sam knew it would be ok.  
She pulled away from their embrace and smiled softly at her boyfriend blinking back tears once more. Looking around shyly, not wanting to be seen crying.  
Tom laughed.  
"Sam you just kissed me in front of everyone and you're worried you'll be seen crying?"  
Sam lowered her eyes to the floor, a smile splitting her face.  
"Actually Tom." She said, looking up. "I don't think anyone noticed."  
Tom, looked around and he had to admit no-one was looking their way, whispering or giggling.  
"Sam I love you, and you're going to be an amazing mum to our little one."  
Sam suddenly stiffened in his arms, an action not missed by Tom.  
He drew her away from him and looked her in eyes.  
"Sam you do want this baby?"  
Sam looked up at Tom, at the pained expression in his eyes, the concern in face, the soft contours of his lips which were pursed into an expression of worry and she felt guilty for making him worry even for a second.  
"Yes."  
She smiled and it was a smile of someone in love.  
"Yes Tom I want the baby and I want you, need you. I love you too Tom."  
"Sam I-"

"Thomas Kent, Samantha Nicholls. Will one of you tell me what the hell is going on in my ED?."  
Zoe's voice rang shrill, echoing off the walls and catching the attention of almost everybody in the cubicles.  
Robyn looked up from where she was helping a man into his wheelchair.  
Fletch turned from the computer where he was typing notes, and winked at Tom.  
Ash stopped in his tracks from the doorway and stared at them.  
Big Mac let the trolley in his hands roll to a halt.  
And Tess looked up through her office window wiped a singular tear from under her eye and smiled at the pair.

"Well?" Zoe demanded, one hand placed firmly on her hip, elbowing jutting out. It was clear she was not alone in her demands for answers, their colleagues were now gathered in a horse shoe formation around the couple.

Sam looked up at Tom. Her eyes wide.  
He could see the mischievous smile beginning to work it's way onto her face.  
She found his eyes and saw he understood.

She whispered, "Let's give them something to stare at."

Then he gave the briefest of nods.

Then her lips found his.


End file.
